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  • Writer's pictureJennifer Wreyford

Today's Tough Love: Control Freak?

Today’s Tough Love:


Have you ever labeled yourself a “control freak”?


Do you feel an overwhelming urge to, quite literally, try to control *everything* in your life? (Note I said “try”)


Let me break this down for you:


Being a “control freak” is not actually cute. It’s an inherent trauma response to not feeling safe in the world and not feeling enough within ourselves, and it puts you in a constant state of contraction and tension. You’re going to wear yourself out trying to control every single detail of your life and the lives of those you love.


End of story.


Does that sound extreme? Bear with me.


It is a core need in humans to have certainty. Certainty that we can be safe, protected, and loved. That part is very natural.


What’s *not* natural for us is living in survival mode 24/7 because we’re locked in trying to control every single detail of every single thing.


When, for whatever reason, we don’t feel safe or certain in life, we will go to extreme measures to try to control absolutely everything and everyone in our lives so that we can feel safe…whether we realize that’s why we’re doing it or not.


Don’t me wrong: it’s *wonderful* and *wise* to *plan*.


It is NOT wonderful and wise to burn yourself out, exhaust yourself, and become an anxious, over functioning mess in your attempts to control everything and every one in your life. (And it’s not fun for the people you’re trying to manage and control either)

If you identify as a recovering “control freak”, I feel you….and I’m here to tell you that the answer lies within you.

The only real thing you can control is your inner world.


The only *real* thing you can control is the work you do on bringing your energy back to YOU.


The certainty lies within you.


And your locus of control has to shift from an external focus, to an internal one, and a belief system that everything will work out for you in the long run…and that you’re guided and supported, no matter what.


You have more internal power than you can possible fathom, and when you tap into that, you feel less need to micromanage every second of your life.


You’ve got this, I’m certain 😉


➡️Want to start the process of changing that control mechanism? Join my Courage to Change Challenge HERE



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