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  • Writer's pictureJennifer Wreyford

Today's Tough Love: "Relationships are hard" Yes and...

Today’s Tough Love:


This “social script” gets so many of us twisted.

“Relationships are hard”

“Marriage is hard”


LISTEN.


YES.


A good relationship?

A good marriage?

It takes intention.

It takes “work”.


But let’s not confuse *that* hard with a hard that is actually unhealthy or toxic, or simply “not the right fit”.


It’s easy to get it confused. I did it too.


Because the truth is a truly good relationship *does* take *intention*. But *intention* is not the same as exhausting, depleting, or draining.


A healthy relationship takes BOTH people owning their sh*t.


It takes BOTH people constantly creating space for each other (and themselves).


It takes BOTH people navigating what can sometimes be the messiness of our own triggers, *without* making the other person responsible for them.


Here are some examples of what the “hard” part of a good relationship should be:


✅Owning your patterns

✅Owning your growth

✅Owning your triggers

✅Communicating to your partner when any one of those things has been activated

✅Getting clear on *your* needs

✅Understanding which needs are actually yours to give YOURSELF


And some examples of what “hard” should not be:


🚫Continually tolerating disrespect

🚫Continually having the same conversation about a boundary that’s been violated (cheating, for example)

🚫Constantly feeling unsafe in your own home

🚫Constantly feeling degraded, put down, silenced, or in any way stonewalled

🚫Regularly experiencing emasculation or objectification

🚫Always feeling like you’re juggling a bomb when interacting with your partner, never sure when he/she will “go off”

Learn the difference, and I promise your relationships will improve.


Have Courage and Sparkle On 💖


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