Today’s Tough Love:
This “social script” gets so many of us twisted.
“Relationships are hard”
“Marriage is hard”
LISTEN.
YES.
A good relationship?
A good marriage?
It takes intention.
It takes “work”.
But let’s not confuse *that* hard with a hard that is actually unhealthy or toxic, or simply “not the right fit”.
It’s easy to get it confused. I did it too.
Because the truth is a truly good relationship *does* take *intention*. But *intention* is not the same as exhausting, depleting, or draining.
A healthy relationship takes BOTH people owning their sh*t.
It takes BOTH people constantly creating space for each other (and themselves).
It takes BOTH people navigating what can sometimes be the messiness of our own triggers, *without* making the other person responsible for them.
Here are some examples of what the “hard” part of a good relationship should be:
✅Owning your patterns
✅Owning your growth
✅Owning your triggers
✅Communicating to your partner when any one of those things has been activated
✅Getting clear on *your* needs
✅Understanding which needs are actually yours to give YOURSELF
And some examples of what “hard” should not be:
🚫Continually tolerating disrespect
🚫Continually having the same conversation about a boundary that’s been violated (cheating, for example)
🚫Constantly feeling unsafe in your own home
🚫Constantly feeling degraded, put down, silenced, or in any way stonewalled
🚫Regularly experiencing emasculation or objectification
🚫Always feeling like you’re juggling a bomb when interacting with your partner, never sure when he/she will “go off”
Learn the difference, and I promise your relationships will improve.
Have Courage and Sparkle On 💖
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