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  • Writer's pictureJennifer Wreyford

Today’s Tough Love: "Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same"

Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing…really are the same.

Sometimes we know, deep down, that we need to leave a situation.

Sometimes, we KNOW we need to end something.

But we don’t want to know it. Because we also know that leaving is going to be painful.

My first marriage shouldn’t have happened. We got married in our mid 20s, because we thought we were “supposed” to.

Two nice young people, following the prescriptive path.

I wasn’t brave enough to call off the wedding. Too many stories in my head about what it would mean if I did…for me, for him, for our families, for everyone who was coming to the wedding. I just told myself it was “cold feet”. I overrode my intuition that was telling me “NOOOOO”.

But a year later, I was finally brave enough, courageous to say: “I want a divorce”, and set both of us free.

Because nothing was really “wrong”. But nothing was really “right” either. And sometimes it’s harder to end something when there’s no obvious reason you can point to.

It’s harder when they’re a nice, decent human being….

But they just aren’t *YOUR* person.

And here’s the thing:

Leaving that person or situation? Yes, the other person will probably feel pain. But it’s a kinder pain than living a lie, because the other person will feel it…even if they can’t name it, they’ll feel it. Some part of them will know you aren’t “all in”. It’s kinder to do the hard thing, to rip off the Band-Aid, than dragging it out. You end up hurting them MORE in the long run…because you’ve stayed in a relationship you know isn’t for you and you let it eat at you, and you start taking it out on them. Acting out. Nagging at them. Or you start unconsciously sabotaging the relationship. That’s a slow, painful end…it’s so much worse than if you’d owned your knowing and done the hard thing.

(This is another example of where we are responsible “to” people, not “for” them. The kindest thing you can do is be honest with yourself that the relationship isn’t the right fit for you…and set both of you free to be happy.)

“Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing, are the same.”

More often than not, in fact.


Have Courage and Sparkle On 💖


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